Share my Thoughts
May. 10th, 2004 01:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misanagiRated: PG13
Archive: http://www.psinergy.com/dryerspace/gundaniumline/misanagi/misanagi
Warnings: Shonen ai, angst.
Pairings: 3x4, 1x2, 5xS
Summary: Quatre seems different and the other pilots would do anything to find out what happened to him.
Timeline: After the Endless Waltz.
Dedication: To Anne, for her patience. Thanks a lot for beta reading this twice. *gives her some chocolate to feed her addiction and some carrots to feed her bunnies*
================
Chapter II
Quatre watched the full moon from his window at the top floor of Winner Enterprises Inc. It was a beautiful night, the sky was clear, and he could easily see the bright stars shining from above. He was glad that he'd decided to stay on Earth after the wars. There were no views on the colonies that could match the beauty of the Earth.
He sighed, turned his gaze away from the spectacular view, and concentrated on the last folder on his desk.
'Just one more and I can go home.' He laughed bitterly when he thought that, no matter what, he would have another monumental pile of paperwork tomorrow that would need his approval and supervision. It had been a very long day. He normally preferred to work late than to wake up early. Everyone at WEI knew that he wouldn't arrive at the office before ten in the morning and that, unless it was a real emergency, he wouldn't take their calls.
A knock interrupted his thoughts and Quatre raised his head from behind the folder.
"Mr. Winner?" said the older woman, standing at the door. She wore her hair loose, letting the brown curls fall on her face.
"Cecilia, what are you still doing here? It's very late." Cecilia was his personal secretary and left hand for anything work related. Her expression was always soft, at least when she was speaking with Quatre, but that didn't mean that she wasn't very efficient, and as hard as nails when she needed to be.
She smiled at Quatre and pushed her thick glasses up the bridge of her nose. "I wanted to finish some reports but I'm done now so I'm going to take off, if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay. It's late. It not good to stay this late in the office, you don't need to do that." Quatre was feeling guilty. He knew first hand that running Winner Enterprises took a lot of time and effort. Normally, he tried to do most of the work himself but it was impossible to do it all alone and he had to rely on others. However, that didn't mean that he felt less guilty about having his employees working long hours when they could be at home spending time with their families. "I'm going to pay you overtime, Cecilia. Now you should really go rest."
Cecilia gave a small chuckle. "You should apply some of your wisdom to yourself, Mr. Winner. Good night."
* * *
Cecilia closed the door and went to her desk to gather her belongings before going home. She looked at her watch; it was nine o'clock. It was unusual for her to stay this late at the office; she usually left at seven, and was one of the last to leave, but Mr. Winner was always there. She pitied him somehow; he was so young and already had so many responsibilities. It wasn't fair. Cecilia had a son only a couple of years younger than her boss and she just couldn't picture the hyperactive seventeen year old stuck in an office from ten to nine every day. Winner Enterprises had been her work place for a long time and she recognized the positive changes that the business had taken since the young man had been in charge, but she could also see that it had cost him a lot.
Sometimes his friends came to the office to take him out to lunch or just to visit. Cecilia liked all of them, even if they were far from normal.
The weird kid with the long braid always managed to get Mr. Winner out of the office, no matter how busy he was. The Chinese one could be heard from her desk as he explained to Mr. Winner that if he wanted to keep his strength he needed some rest. The young man was the voice of reason and was often heard, but of course Mr. Winner could be as stubborn as a goat when he wanted to.
The Japanese one was a mystery to her. She never knew what he and Mr. Winner talked about when he visited but the Japanese boy always managed to make her boss cancel his appointments and take the day off. Sometimes they simply stayed in the office for the whole day and ordered food. What happened behind those doors was something that Cecilia was still trying to figure out.
Last but not least, was the tall kid. Cecilia knew that he was much more than Mr. Winner's friend. She could see them interact; the soft touches and the way her boss's face lit up whenever he entered the office. She never asked but she knew that they weren't trying to hide their relationship; they were just shy in public, or so she thought.
Cecilia reached her car in the parking lot. Looking up at the tall structure, she could see that there was only light in one window. She smiled softly at Mr. Winner's window before driving off; it had been a long day.
* * *
Thirty minutes later, Quatre closed the last folder and put it on the desk. He closed his eyes for a moment as he stretched in his leather chair. 'Finally,' he thought, getting up from his desk. He was really glad that he was a fast reader or that last report would have taken him at least another hour to finish. He put on his jacket and arranged the files neatly on the desk before leaving.
The building was empty except for the night guards. The lights on the corridor turned on as soon as he approached them. During the day, they were always on, since there were people passing all the time, however, at night they lit only for him.
Quatre walked to the elevator and pressed the P button that would take him to the parking lot. 'I'm hungry', he thought, leaning on the wall and watching the numbers descend quickly. He hadn't had anything to eat since lunch. Finally, after the seven minute ride on the elevator, he exited the building and reached his bike.
There was virtually no traffic at that time of the night so Quatre could speed up on the empty streets as much as he liked. He missed his Gundam; while he liked racing in his bike, it was no match for the speed or power of a Gundam. He smiled as he thought of Sandrock. It might have been only a machine but, to Quatre, it was much more than that, and he would miss it forever.
Before he knew it, he was entering the driveway of his home. It was too late when he realized that he hadn't slowed down. He skillfully parked his bike and got out. He sighed before entering the house; he was in for a sermon on safe driving and speed limits.
* * *
"Did you see how fast he was going?" Duo was still looking out the window, his back resting on the wall while he played with the end of his braid.
Trowa was standing farther away from the window than Duo, but he could still see the entrance of the house. "That was reckless," he agreed.
"But impressive," said Wufei. "That was very skillful driving." A small smile appeared in the corner of his mouth but he didn't say anything else.
"Skillful or not, it's still dangerous," continued Duo.
Heero hid a smirk and wondered if he should tell them that Quatre always drove like that and that this time, he probably just forgot to slow down before entering the gates. He found it interesting how his friends conveniently ignored that they did the same thing all the time. They were not particularly known for respecting speed limits.
Quatre entered the living room moments later. He kissed Trowa hello and then tossed his jacket on the sofa as he loosened his tie.
"Long day?" asked Trowa, hugging his lover. Quatre gave him a smile, and sat down on the sofa, leaning his head on Trowa's chest.
"Of course it was a long day. Do you know what time is it?" asked Duo. He waited patiently for Quatre to reply but the blond just shrugged, being too comfortable to look at his watch. "It's ten o'clock, Quatre."
Quatre nodded but he kept his eyes fixed on Duo, as if he knew that his friend's comment wasn't the end of it.
"Heero told me you left really early this morning," Duo continued, "so you have been working all day." He paused another moment and waited for Quatre to nod again. "You need to rest."
The blond opened his mouth to argue but Duo was having none of it. "You can't continue getting away with this; you are going to get sick. I bet you haven't eaten anything have you?" Quatre didn't answer but the silence betrayed him anyway. "Don't you think that your body needs food to survive and to work all these crazy hours?" Heero knew that Duo wanted to say more but he didn't. Instead, he changed his strategy, knowing that Quatre would argue against his reasons but would cooperate if someone else's needs were involved. "Come on, let's eat. We decided to wait for you and I'm really hungry."
As expected, Quatre agreed and walked to the kitchen, with the rest following closely behind. "Quatre, we need to talk after dinner," said Heero.
Quatre looked startled for a moment but at the end he just nodded at Heero and continued his walk to the kitchen.
* * *
Dinner passed smoothly and silently. All of them were used to the silence and it didn't bother them. After so many years of knowing each other, words were no longer needed. When they had finished eating, they walked to the living room and sat down. Quatre and Trowa took the sofa, Wufei the big armchair by the fireplace, and Heero the one in front of the former. Duo simply made Heero move so that they both could fit on the same chair.
"So," said Quatre, after a few minutes of silence. "What did you want to talk about?"
The other ex-pilots looked at each other for a moment before Duo sighed and spoke. "Quatre, we're worried about you."
Quatre looked at Duo; his eyes solemn and filled with understanding. "You mean you are worried about our talk yesterday, right?"
A smirk crossed Duo's face when he heard Quatre's words but it disappeared quickly and his face was serious again. "Yes and no. You've been acting weirdly and yesterday was just an another incident that got us thinking," he replied.
Trowa cleared his throat and gave Quatre a soft look. "Quatre, you don't share much, especially about your childhood." The words were delivered in an even tone and it might have seemed like a simple comment, but Quatre knew that it was really a plead for him to talk.
Quatre looked at Trowa in silence. "I can't talk about my childhood," he said after a while. Noticing the worry in Trowa's eyes, and sensing the same feeling from the other pilots, Quatre gave them a dismissive smile. "Don't worry about me, it's probably all this work. Maybe I do need to take a break," he said, hoping that his words were enough to reassure Trowa and his friends.
"Oh no, you are not getting off that easily, Quatre." The expression in Duo's face was enough to tell Quatre that they were going to press the issue until they got some answers. "We talked with Rashid today and we know that something about your childhood is bothering you, and you need to talk about it; it's the only way we can help you." Duo's voice was firm and left no room for arguments.
Quatre felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, even though he knew to whom the hand belonged to. "Please, Quatre?" whispered Trowa, his voice barely audible.
Closing his eyes, Quatre took a moment to put his thoughts in order. He wasn't upset about his friends talking to Rashid; he could understand their need for answers but they were not going to get any from the Maguanac leader. Quatre was the only one with the answers and he couldn't give them.
They had shared so much together and knowing each other as well as they did, Quatre was starting to feel guilty for deceiving them for so long. At first, he had thought that his small problems were nothing for them to worry about. He had always been there for them to help them anyway he could and they had finally begun to trust him. They had trusted each other with their lives and then with their secrets.
Since he and Trowa had finally gotten together, Quatre had tried to tell him many times, but it was impossible. Maybe now was the chance, maybe now that his friends were so worried about him, he could open up to them. "It's not that I don't want to," he said after a long time. "It's that I can't."
They all looked at him with very confused expressions. "What do you mean, you can't?" asked Wufei. It wasn't an accusation but a simple question.
"We are not going to tell anyone if that's what you're worried about," said Duo. His hands were crossed above his chest, his expression daring Quatre to make him repeat the obvious.
"It's not that. I know you would never betray my trust." Quatre let out an exasperated sigh. "But it's impossible for me to talk about it."
Wufei raised an eyebrow. "What exactly do you mean, Winner?"
"I can't talk about it." Quatre was getting frustrated. "But maybe Sally can help."
"What can she do?" asked Wufei, trying unsuccessfully to hide the small smile that appeared on his face at the mention of the Chinese woman.
"She is a doctor, isn't she? Maybe she can hypnotize me," pondered Quatre.
Duo uncrossed his arms, letting them fall at his side. "What? Quatre, why do you need to be hypnotized?" he asked.
There was a moment of silence and then everyone looked at Quatre expectantly. He was trying to find a way to explain, but he wasn't being very successful.
"Mental block," stated Heero, after a while.
Quatre smiled as he looked at him. He'd known that Heero would figure it out eventually.
Duo diverted his gaze from Quatre "What do you mean, Heero?"
"Someone has placed a mental block on Quatre's memories to prevent him from talking about them." The tone hid it well, but the concern and anger were visible in Heero's eyes.
Wufei's lips pressed on a tin line; a sign that he was deep in thought. "Care to explain, Yuy?"
"They did it to me sometimes; it's a mechanism to control people's minds." Heero kept his eyes on Wufei but he was watching Quatre out of the corner of his eye. "They didn't make him forget what happened; they just made it impossible for him to communicate it to another person. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. That's why we need Sally, so that she can go into his memories."
It sounded so simple when it was explained like that. Those were only words but for Quatre it would have been impossible to speak them. His friends looked at him for confirmation, and Quatre gave them the tiniest nod before smiling again.
"Do you mean that someone got into Quatre's head and made him keep quiet about his childhood?" asked Duo, his anger getting a little more visible with every word.
Heero only nodded and Quatre could see the fury hiding behind Duo's eyes. Duo was definitely not happy and nor were the rest of his friends.
* * *
"I'm going to call Sally," said Wufei, after a while.
Trowa nodded and went into the kitchen. With a shake of his head, he told Heero to follow him. Trowa's eyes reflected a lot of anger. Heero could tell that Trowa's control of his emotions was the only thing preventing him from ramming his fist into something. However, Heero knew that it was only a matter of time; Trowa would explode eventually, and when that happened, someone was going to pay dearly, and Heero was going to be there to help.
"Explain," Trowa finally said when they were in the kitchen and could not be heard by the other ex pilots, who were still in the living room.
"J did that to me sometimes," said Heero, leaning against the fridge. "It's a control mechanism. When he sent me on dangerous missions, and there was a high possibility of getting captured, he blocked the information in my mind so it would be impossible for me to reveal it if I was interrogated. That was a long time ago; he stopped doing it because he found out that the process could be reversed by hypnosis, so he started the torture resistance training."
Trowa crossed his arms above his chest. "Can Sally help?"
"Yes, she is perfect for the job." Heero trusted Sally with his life, as did the rest of the pilots. She was a very capable woman and from what he knew about the mental block, she could help Quatre.
"Time needed for treatment?" If Heero didn't already know that Trowa was worried, the fact that Trowa was asking his questions in such a direct and unattached way would have clued him in. Trowa tended to cut to the chase when there was something troubling him.
"However long it takes Sally to uncover all the blocked memories. It depends on how much information there is." In other words, there was no way of knowing. It all depended of what memories exactly were blocked. Heero didn't have high hopes. The fact that Quatre hadn't even been able to tell them of his block was enough to worry Heero even more. He suspected that there had to be a lot of information hidden. That, along with the long period of time the mental block had been in place, made everything more difficult.
Trowa nodded and Heero could tell that he understood the implications. Quatre's treatment would not be easy. "Recovery?"
"About ninety percent," replied Heero. Those were good odds. Mental blocks were a dangerous thing but Heero was counting on Quatre's strength. Quatre was a fighter and he would recover.
"Side effects?" Trowa's neutral tone didn't fool Heero. Trowa was afraid of asking the question but he probably needed to know the answers.
"None that I can tell," answered Heero reassuringly, and he could see Trowa give a small sigh of relief.
Then, Trowa moved away from the kitchen table and walked towards Heero. He stood close to Heero but far away enough so that he wouldn't be invading his personal space. Trowa's eyes focused on Heero's, and when he spoke, the words were merely a whisper. "Does it hurt?"
Heero thought about it for a moment. "It's complicated. I don't really know how this is affecting Quatre. I only had the blocks for short periods of time, but he has probably had them for years."
"Heero, does it hurt?"
"Sometimes," Heero finally admitted. Trowa wasn't looking for reassurance at the moment, but for the truth, and Heero was going to be as truthful as possible. "When you remember whatever that is blocked and try to fight it, it's as if your skull is shattering."
Trowa remained silent but his fingers closed into a fist. Someone had done something really bad to Quatre and then they had prevented him from talking about it. Trowa was probably making the funeral arrangements for whoever had dared to do this to his lover.
"Let's not jump to conclusions. We have to wait for Sally." Heero put a hand on Trowa's shoulder. "He is going to be okay," he said to Trowa, and to himself. He knew what it was like to have someone messing with his head and how much it hurt to fight those blocks, but he also knew that Quatre was strong and could overcome it.
Someone had dared to endanger one of his friends - his family; they had done something to Quatre that he didn't deserve. Heero could understand and forgive everything that they had done to him, but not to Quatre, and there would be no place on Earth or the colonies where the guilty men could hide from the angry Gundam pilots.
* * *
Wufei hung up the phone with a smile on his face. That woman could be quite annoying when she wanted to be, but Wufei had to admit that she was the strongest woman he knew, and the most beautiful. He stopped when he realized the direction his thoughts were taking. This was not the time to be daydreaming about Sally. Quatre had a problem and they needed to help him.
Sally would be there the next day and he would be able to see her again. Wufei smiled. She would take care of Quatre and then everything would be all right. And after Quatre was cured of whatever was done to him, Wufei was going to hunt down the people responsible and make them pay for it.
* * *
TBC
Archive: http://www.psinergy.com/dryerspace/gundaniumline/misanagi/misanagi
Warnings: Shonen ai, angst.
Pairings: 3x4, 1x2, 5xS
Summary: Quatre seems different and the other pilots would do anything to find out what happened to him.
Timeline: After the Endless Waltz.
Dedication: To Anne, for her patience. Thanks a lot for beta reading this twice. *gives her some chocolate to feed her addiction and some carrots to feed her bunnies*
================
Chapter II
Quatre watched the full moon from his window at the top floor of Winner Enterprises Inc. It was a beautiful night, the sky was clear, and he could easily see the bright stars shining from above. He was glad that he'd decided to stay on Earth after the wars. There were no views on the colonies that could match the beauty of the Earth.
He sighed, turned his gaze away from the spectacular view, and concentrated on the last folder on his desk.
'Just one more and I can go home.' He laughed bitterly when he thought that, no matter what, he would have another monumental pile of paperwork tomorrow that would need his approval and supervision. It had been a very long day. He normally preferred to work late than to wake up early. Everyone at WEI knew that he wouldn't arrive at the office before ten in the morning and that, unless it was a real emergency, he wouldn't take their calls.
A knock interrupted his thoughts and Quatre raised his head from behind the folder.
"Mr. Winner?" said the older woman, standing at the door. She wore her hair loose, letting the brown curls fall on her face.
"Cecilia, what are you still doing here? It's very late." Cecilia was his personal secretary and left hand for anything work related. Her expression was always soft, at least when she was speaking with Quatre, but that didn't mean that she wasn't very efficient, and as hard as nails when she needed to be.
She smiled at Quatre and pushed her thick glasses up the bridge of her nose. "I wanted to finish some reports but I'm done now so I'm going to take off, if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay. It's late. It not good to stay this late in the office, you don't need to do that." Quatre was feeling guilty. He knew first hand that running Winner Enterprises took a lot of time and effort. Normally, he tried to do most of the work himself but it was impossible to do it all alone and he had to rely on others. However, that didn't mean that he felt less guilty about having his employees working long hours when they could be at home spending time with their families. "I'm going to pay you overtime, Cecilia. Now you should really go rest."
Cecilia gave a small chuckle. "You should apply some of your wisdom to yourself, Mr. Winner. Good night."
* * *
Cecilia closed the door and went to her desk to gather her belongings before going home. She looked at her watch; it was nine o'clock. It was unusual for her to stay this late at the office; she usually left at seven, and was one of the last to leave, but Mr. Winner was always there. She pitied him somehow; he was so young and already had so many responsibilities. It wasn't fair. Cecilia had a son only a couple of years younger than her boss and she just couldn't picture the hyperactive seventeen year old stuck in an office from ten to nine every day. Winner Enterprises had been her work place for a long time and she recognized the positive changes that the business had taken since the young man had been in charge, but she could also see that it had cost him a lot.
Sometimes his friends came to the office to take him out to lunch or just to visit. Cecilia liked all of them, even if they were far from normal.
The weird kid with the long braid always managed to get Mr. Winner out of the office, no matter how busy he was. The Chinese one could be heard from her desk as he explained to Mr. Winner that if he wanted to keep his strength he needed some rest. The young man was the voice of reason and was often heard, but of course Mr. Winner could be as stubborn as a goat when he wanted to.
The Japanese one was a mystery to her. She never knew what he and Mr. Winner talked about when he visited but the Japanese boy always managed to make her boss cancel his appointments and take the day off. Sometimes they simply stayed in the office for the whole day and ordered food. What happened behind those doors was something that Cecilia was still trying to figure out.
Last but not least, was the tall kid. Cecilia knew that he was much more than Mr. Winner's friend. She could see them interact; the soft touches and the way her boss's face lit up whenever he entered the office. She never asked but she knew that they weren't trying to hide their relationship; they were just shy in public, or so she thought.
Cecilia reached her car in the parking lot. Looking up at the tall structure, she could see that there was only light in one window. She smiled softly at Mr. Winner's window before driving off; it had been a long day.
* * *
Thirty minutes later, Quatre closed the last folder and put it on the desk. He closed his eyes for a moment as he stretched in his leather chair. 'Finally,' he thought, getting up from his desk. He was really glad that he was a fast reader or that last report would have taken him at least another hour to finish. He put on his jacket and arranged the files neatly on the desk before leaving.
The building was empty except for the night guards. The lights on the corridor turned on as soon as he approached them. During the day, they were always on, since there were people passing all the time, however, at night they lit only for him.
Quatre walked to the elevator and pressed the P button that would take him to the parking lot. 'I'm hungry', he thought, leaning on the wall and watching the numbers descend quickly. He hadn't had anything to eat since lunch. Finally, after the seven minute ride on the elevator, he exited the building and reached his bike.
There was virtually no traffic at that time of the night so Quatre could speed up on the empty streets as much as he liked. He missed his Gundam; while he liked racing in his bike, it was no match for the speed or power of a Gundam. He smiled as he thought of Sandrock. It might have been only a machine but, to Quatre, it was much more than that, and he would miss it forever.
Before he knew it, he was entering the driveway of his home. It was too late when he realized that he hadn't slowed down. He skillfully parked his bike and got out. He sighed before entering the house; he was in for a sermon on safe driving and speed limits.
* * *
"Did you see how fast he was going?" Duo was still looking out the window, his back resting on the wall while he played with the end of his braid.
Trowa was standing farther away from the window than Duo, but he could still see the entrance of the house. "That was reckless," he agreed.
"But impressive," said Wufei. "That was very skillful driving." A small smile appeared in the corner of his mouth but he didn't say anything else.
"Skillful or not, it's still dangerous," continued Duo.
Heero hid a smirk and wondered if he should tell them that Quatre always drove like that and that this time, he probably just forgot to slow down before entering the gates. He found it interesting how his friends conveniently ignored that they did the same thing all the time. They were not particularly known for respecting speed limits.
Quatre entered the living room moments later. He kissed Trowa hello and then tossed his jacket on the sofa as he loosened his tie.
"Long day?" asked Trowa, hugging his lover. Quatre gave him a smile, and sat down on the sofa, leaning his head on Trowa's chest.
"Of course it was a long day. Do you know what time is it?" asked Duo. He waited patiently for Quatre to reply but the blond just shrugged, being too comfortable to look at his watch. "It's ten o'clock, Quatre."
Quatre nodded but he kept his eyes fixed on Duo, as if he knew that his friend's comment wasn't the end of it.
"Heero told me you left really early this morning," Duo continued, "so you have been working all day." He paused another moment and waited for Quatre to nod again. "You need to rest."
The blond opened his mouth to argue but Duo was having none of it. "You can't continue getting away with this; you are going to get sick. I bet you haven't eaten anything have you?" Quatre didn't answer but the silence betrayed him anyway. "Don't you think that your body needs food to survive and to work all these crazy hours?" Heero knew that Duo wanted to say more but he didn't. Instead, he changed his strategy, knowing that Quatre would argue against his reasons but would cooperate if someone else's needs were involved. "Come on, let's eat. We decided to wait for you and I'm really hungry."
As expected, Quatre agreed and walked to the kitchen, with the rest following closely behind. "Quatre, we need to talk after dinner," said Heero.
Quatre looked startled for a moment but at the end he just nodded at Heero and continued his walk to the kitchen.
* * *
Dinner passed smoothly and silently. All of them were used to the silence and it didn't bother them. After so many years of knowing each other, words were no longer needed. When they had finished eating, they walked to the living room and sat down. Quatre and Trowa took the sofa, Wufei the big armchair by the fireplace, and Heero the one in front of the former. Duo simply made Heero move so that they both could fit on the same chair.
"So," said Quatre, after a few minutes of silence. "What did you want to talk about?"
The other ex-pilots looked at each other for a moment before Duo sighed and spoke. "Quatre, we're worried about you."
Quatre looked at Duo; his eyes solemn and filled with understanding. "You mean you are worried about our talk yesterday, right?"
A smirk crossed Duo's face when he heard Quatre's words but it disappeared quickly and his face was serious again. "Yes and no. You've been acting weirdly and yesterday was just an another incident that got us thinking," he replied.
Trowa cleared his throat and gave Quatre a soft look. "Quatre, you don't share much, especially about your childhood." The words were delivered in an even tone and it might have seemed like a simple comment, but Quatre knew that it was really a plead for him to talk.
Quatre looked at Trowa in silence. "I can't talk about my childhood," he said after a while. Noticing the worry in Trowa's eyes, and sensing the same feeling from the other pilots, Quatre gave them a dismissive smile. "Don't worry about me, it's probably all this work. Maybe I do need to take a break," he said, hoping that his words were enough to reassure Trowa and his friends.
"Oh no, you are not getting off that easily, Quatre." The expression in Duo's face was enough to tell Quatre that they were going to press the issue until they got some answers. "We talked with Rashid today and we know that something about your childhood is bothering you, and you need to talk about it; it's the only way we can help you." Duo's voice was firm and left no room for arguments.
Quatre felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, even though he knew to whom the hand belonged to. "Please, Quatre?" whispered Trowa, his voice barely audible.
Closing his eyes, Quatre took a moment to put his thoughts in order. He wasn't upset about his friends talking to Rashid; he could understand their need for answers but they were not going to get any from the Maguanac leader. Quatre was the only one with the answers and he couldn't give them.
They had shared so much together and knowing each other as well as they did, Quatre was starting to feel guilty for deceiving them for so long. At first, he had thought that his small problems were nothing for them to worry about. He had always been there for them to help them anyway he could and they had finally begun to trust him. They had trusted each other with their lives and then with their secrets.
Since he and Trowa had finally gotten together, Quatre had tried to tell him many times, but it was impossible. Maybe now was the chance, maybe now that his friends were so worried about him, he could open up to them. "It's not that I don't want to," he said after a long time. "It's that I can't."
They all looked at him with very confused expressions. "What do you mean, you can't?" asked Wufei. It wasn't an accusation but a simple question.
"We are not going to tell anyone if that's what you're worried about," said Duo. His hands were crossed above his chest, his expression daring Quatre to make him repeat the obvious.
"It's not that. I know you would never betray my trust." Quatre let out an exasperated sigh. "But it's impossible for me to talk about it."
Wufei raised an eyebrow. "What exactly do you mean, Winner?"
"I can't talk about it." Quatre was getting frustrated. "But maybe Sally can help."
"What can she do?" asked Wufei, trying unsuccessfully to hide the small smile that appeared on his face at the mention of the Chinese woman.
"She is a doctor, isn't she? Maybe she can hypnotize me," pondered Quatre.
Duo uncrossed his arms, letting them fall at his side. "What? Quatre, why do you need to be hypnotized?" he asked.
There was a moment of silence and then everyone looked at Quatre expectantly. He was trying to find a way to explain, but he wasn't being very successful.
"Mental block," stated Heero, after a while.
Quatre smiled as he looked at him. He'd known that Heero would figure it out eventually.
Duo diverted his gaze from Quatre "What do you mean, Heero?"
"Someone has placed a mental block on Quatre's memories to prevent him from talking about them." The tone hid it well, but the concern and anger were visible in Heero's eyes.
Wufei's lips pressed on a tin line; a sign that he was deep in thought. "Care to explain, Yuy?"
"They did it to me sometimes; it's a mechanism to control people's minds." Heero kept his eyes on Wufei but he was watching Quatre out of the corner of his eye. "They didn't make him forget what happened; they just made it impossible for him to communicate it to another person. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. That's why we need Sally, so that she can go into his memories."
It sounded so simple when it was explained like that. Those were only words but for Quatre it would have been impossible to speak them. His friends looked at him for confirmation, and Quatre gave them the tiniest nod before smiling again.
"Do you mean that someone got into Quatre's head and made him keep quiet about his childhood?" asked Duo, his anger getting a little more visible with every word.
Heero only nodded and Quatre could see the fury hiding behind Duo's eyes. Duo was definitely not happy and nor were the rest of his friends.
* * *
"I'm going to call Sally," said Wufei, after a while.
Trowa nodded and went into the kitchen. With a shake of his head, he told Heero to follow him. Trowa's eyes reflected a lot of anger. Heero could tell that Trowa's control of his emotions was the only thing preventing him from ramming his fist into something. However, Heero knew that it was only a matter of time; Trowa would explode eventually, and when that happened, someone was going to pay dearly, and Heero was going to be there to help.
"Explain," Trowa finally said when they were in the kitchen and could not be heard by the other ex pilots, who were still in the living room.
"J did that to me sometimes," said Heero, leaning against the fridge. "It's a control mechanism. When he sent me on dangerous missions, and there was a high possibility of getting captured, he blocked the information in my mind so it would be impossible for me to reveal it if I was interrogated. That was a long time ago; he stopped doing it because he found out that the process could be reversed by hypnosis, so he started the torture resistance training."
Trowa crossed his arms above his chest. "Can Sally help?"
"Yes, she is perfect for the job." Heero trusted Sally with his life, as did the rest of the pilots. She was a very capable woman and from what he knew about the mental block, she could help Quatre.
"Time needed for treatment?" If Heero didn't already know that Trowa was worried, the fact that Trowa was asking his questions in such a direct and unattached way would have clued him in. Trowa tended to cut to the chase when there was something troubling him.
"However long it takes Sally to uncover all the blocked memories. It depends on how much information there is." In other words, there was no way of knowing. It all depended of what memories exactly were blocked. Heero didn't have high hopes. The fact that Quatre hadn't even been able to tell them of his block was enough to worry Heero even more. He suspected that there had to be a lot of information hidden. That, along with the long period of time the mental block had been in place, made everything more difficult.
Trowa nodded and Heero could tell that he understood the implications. Quatre's treatment would not be easy. "Recovery?"
"About ninety percent," replied Heero. Those were good odds. Mental blocks were a dangerous thing but Heero was counting on Quatre's strength. Quatre was a fighter and he would recover.
"Side effects?" Trowa's neutral tone didn't fool Heero. Trowa was afraid of asking the question but he probably needed to know the answers.
"None that I can tell," answered Heero reassuringly, and he could see Trowa give a small sigh of relief.
Then, Trowa moved away from the kitchen table and walked towards Heero. He stood close to Heero but far away enough so that he wouldn't be invading his personal space. Trowa's eyes focused on Heero's, and when he spoke, the words were merely a whisper. "Does it hurt?"
Heero thought about it for a moment. "It's complicated. I don't really know how this is affecting Quatre. I only had the blocks for short periods of time, but he has probably had them for years."
"Heero, does it hurt?"
"Sometimes," Heero finally admitted. Trowa wasn't looking for reassurance at the moment, but for the truth, and Heero was going to be as truthful as possible. "When you remember whatever that is blocked and try to fight it, it's as if your skull is shattering."
Trowa remained silent but his fingers closed into a fist. Someone had done something really bad to Quatre and then they had prevented him from talking about it. Trowa was probably making the funeral arrangements for whoever had dared to do this to his lover.
"Let's not jump to conclusions. We have to wait for Sally." Heero put a hand on Trowa's shoulder. "He is going to be okay," he said to Trowa, and to himself. He knew what it was like to have someone messing with his head and how much it hurt to fight those blocks, but he also knew that Quatre was strong and could overcome it.
Someone had dared to endanger one of his friends - his family; they had done something to Quatre that he didn't deserve. Heero could understand and forgive everything that they had done to him, but not to Quatre, and there would be no place on Earth or the colonies where the guilty men could hide from the angry Gundam pilots.
* * *
Wufei hung up the phone with a smile on his face. That woman could be quite annoying when she wanted to be, but Wufei had to admit that she was the strongest woman he knew, and the most beautiful. He stopped when he realized the direction his thoughts were taking. This was not the time to be daydreaming about Sally. Quatre had a problem and they needed to help him.
Sally would be there the next day and he would be able to see her again. Wufei smiled. She would take care of Quatre and then everything would be all right. And after Quatre was cured of whatever was done to him, Wufei was going to hunt down the people responsible and make them pay for it.
* * *
TBC
